Also- for those of you in the Ohio River Valley area, this is a place to come get ideas for dates.

So what do you want to talk about? What’s your best kept secret for dating? What’s your favorite date spot in the area?

Leave a comment and let me know.

1) How to Say “I Love You” for the First Time. It’s pretty self explanatory, but for anyone who is thinking that tonight might be the night for those 3 magic words, this one is for you.

2) 5 Ways to Pursue Your Girl Men, this post is for you.  There is something about the way that your girl’s heart is wired that she wants to be pursued.  And whether or not you realize it, or not, your heart is wired to be in pursuit.  Here are 5 tips for making it happen.

3) Navigating the Land Between…in Dating Have you ever found yourself in a place between being just friends and knowing there was something more, but you weren’t sure what?  Read here for tips on how to navigate that trecherous terrain

4) What are You Voting on in Your Relationship There are things in a relationship that require intentionality.  Here are somethings in your Relationship that you need to be super intentional about and make sure that you are both in agreement on.

5) The Fifth Commandment of Dating. It’s easy to commit a lot of  ”sins” when it comes to dating.  But this is one of the big one that you really do NOT want to commit.  Remember Your DateNights and Keep Them Holy.

That’s it for now, Happy Dating

Check out this picture.  What’s going on here?  Are they dating?  Maybe not…they aren’t exactly “next to” each other.  But he definitely looks like he could be “in to” her.  Maybe she’s still figuring it out.  But she’s not making an excuse to leave.  So what’s going on here?  Are they in the Land Between?

Last week I wrote a post about what to do when its time to tell her that you love her.  It was something a good friend of mine was going through and it got me to thinking about when that time came for me and Penny.  Well…this week I was working on a project with a different friend and he was telling me about some time he had recently spent one on one with a girl that he’s been into for a while.  It wasn’t a “date” per-say, but it felt very date-ish.  He’s still not quite ready to ask her out, but he’s definitely interested.  And he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.  And I remember that time really well for Penny and I as well.

It really is a sort of Land Between.  What it doesn’t mean is that it’s time for the big “What is this” discussion.  I know it may seem like a good idea to have that Define-The-Relationship discussion at that point, afterall, its a good thing to be on the same page, isn’t it.  Sure it is.  In fact, I’d say that’s exactly what you want- to be on the same page.  To have everything above board and on the table.

We all know the pain of unspoken attraction and the confusion of an ambiguous relationship.  But the problem with those sort of discussions, with these DTR’s at this point, is that it goes beyond getting on the same page and forces both individuals to be in the same place.  And if they aren’t- then awkwardness ensues.

But how does that work.  I mean, look at the progress of relationships, it goes from attraction to dating…right?  Perhaps not.  Let me toss out a step in between, (thus The Land Between) that I think will help out everybody a lot!  It’s a stage that I think naturally exists, but some people want to skip over it all together.  That’s no good.  That stage exists for a reason.  And you want to take full advantage of each stage.  Don’t rush through the stage your on (I’d also say don’t linger either, but that’s another post).

This stage is what I call BEING INTENTIONAL.  So what does Being Intentional look like?  Well, it starts when you find yourself in this stage of- I think I like her, but I’m not sure I’m ready to full on ask her out just yet.  I just want to get to know her better.  It’s a time when you aren’t exclusively dating, but you do hang out a lot, especially in groups of people.  Maybe you’re hanging out with a group of people you wouldn’t otherwise hang out with.  You are really just getting to know each other.  When you go out with a group, you are intentionally in the same car.  You sit near her at the restaurant.  From time to time, you may even go out on a date, but for the most part, its not dating by yourselves.  The whole point is to get to know her to see if she’s someone you want to date.  It’s such a great stage to be on.

And like I said with How to Tell Her I Love You, you need to freakin’ tell her that’s where you are.  Ambiguity in a relationship never serves it well.  But you also want to make it ok for her to not be there at the same time.  That is a rule that will serve you well all throughout your relationship with her.

What does that talk look like with her?  It’s simple- but not easy-

1) Pick neutral ground to tell her. You don’t want her feeling trapped in your territory or feeling like her territory has been invaded.  It needs to be a safe place for her.  Keep it a public place.  You definitely want a place where the two of you can talk by yourselves, but not a place where your cloistered in a small room or car.  For me, it was in the auditorium at church after most people had cleared out but some people were still milling around.

2) Tell her what you like about her. This is a good way to start the conversation.  Is she easy to talk to?  Does she share similar interests?  I remember when my friends asked me what was the biggest attraction factor I had for Penny, my answer was that she was almost as big of a smart a** as I was.  She kept up with me and all my antics.  It was so much fun.  What is it for you?  Tell her specifically.

3) Let her know that you’re interested. Don’t skip this step.  This is the clarifying statement and the whole reason for having this talk in the first place.  Be really clear.  You like hanging out.  You see that there is some attraction and it could possibly one day be something more.  That’s what you’re interested in finding out. You can end this with, “I’d like to be intentional about getting to know you better.”

4) Tell her how you want to Be Intentional.  Tell her what “Being Intentional” looks like to you.  This is where you’ll dispel all doubt about your intentions.  Tell her you want to be intentional about hanging out around her.  Going to the groups she goes to.  Sitting near her.  Being intentional about talking with her.  In other words- taking the actual steps to get to know her better.  Not stalking her, just getting to know her.

5) Get her permission. Now this may sound cheesy, but there may be a boyfriend she hasn’t told you about.  The words are simple- “Is that ok with you?”  She’ll let you know one way or the other.  No harm no foul here, you just didn’t know and never-the-less, you guys still clicked, that’s why you needed to have this conversation.  Maybe she just got out of a relationship.  Or maybe that’s exactly where she is.  This is the part where its really ok for her to NOT be there yet.

So what do you do if she’s not there yet- reassure her that its really ok.  You just wanted to let her know where you were.  You can tell her that you are indeed still interested, and when she is ready, then she can let you know.

The great thing about this is that its a win-win.  Cause if she says that its all good, then great.  This actually begins your pursuit of her.  If not, then you have clarified some things.  If she is flirting with you and shouldn’t be, then this will let her know.  You also haven’t gone to any weird places yet, so you really still can be friends.  And if she does eventually get there, then she’ll know its safe to come back and let you know.

The Land Between- Being Intentional- call it whatever you may, but its a great stage to be in.

A couple of weeks ago, it was my dad’s birthday.  For the first time that I can remember, we surprised Dad by gathering the family here in town and surprising him with dinner at a local steakhouse.  Penny and I also got to celebrate my cousin, Jeremy who recently got engaged!  My cousin Jeremy is a chef, but I’d never actually eaten his food before.  He mentioned that we should come to his restaurant, Bellini’s, located in downtown Lexington.  A couple of days later, my planned DateNight with Penny sort of blew up in my face, and I had to scramble to come up with some new plans (hmmm, perhaps that’ll be a post- what to do when your plans blow up). So we shifted some things, I called my cousin, and he said to come on in.  And we did…

Usually this column is reserved for activities for couples to do on DateNights, but Penny and I had such a great experience at Bellini’s, that it really earned its own spot as a Weekly Featured Date.  Warning- this a pricey date, but the whole experience is one you won’t forget anytime soon.

To start off, Bellini’s is truly a fine dining restaurant.  Which as I’ve come to learn, is a big date in and of itself.  Not just because the price will probably use all of your dating budget for the night, if not a couple of nights; but also because this is a place that you’ll want to dress up for a bit.  I don’t mean a suit and tie, though that wouldn’t be inappropriate, but dressy casual.

Enjoy your drive downtown in Lexington, but as you pull up, take advantage of the Valet parking directly across the street from Bellini’s.  Enter through the martini bar on the left, where you can stop to have a drink first.  The low lighting and red glow of the room certainly sets the high class, romantic atmosphere of the restaurant.  As you enter the dining room, be ready to check your coat with the hostess.

Here’s where the real fun begins…the food.  Bellini’s is an italian restaurant, so I was worried that for a guy who can’t eat pasta right now, there might not be much for me to enjoy there.  Boy was I wrong!  The menu was one of those kinds that had no pictures and lots of foreign words…which always makes me nervous, but I was the hands of my cousin so I relaxed and just went with it.  Penny and I both picked items from the non-pasta side of the menu.  She got the duck, and I got the braised short ribs.  In addition to that, we got a plate of muscles as our appetizer and Chef Jeremy sent out a couple of amuse bouches.

The food was absolutely amazing!  When it came, the presentation was beautiful, I hated to defile it with a fork and knife.  Then the waitress actually explained exactly what we were eating as she set it down.  You know, “Here is the duck breast, simmered with an apple glaze over a carrot puree and blah blah blah.”  Basically all I heard was, “Here is some of the most amazing yummy goodness you’ll ever eat in your life.”  I have to say, I had no clue that my cousin was a great chef!  Upon taking the first bite of her food, Penny melted and mumbled, “Oh my god, this good!”

Anyway, Bellini’s definitely qualifies as a GreatDateSpot.  Go ahead and plan on at least an hour to an hour and half at the restaurant.  When dinner is over, you can add to it just about anything- a walk downtown, some ice cream somewhere, even a movie at home…because you’re date will have been a great one!

Typically with the Weekly Featured Date segment, I try to highlight a place to go, an activity to do, or sometimes even a restaurant.  But this time I’m pulling out something different.  I’m not even sure what category this would fit into, but considering that I don’t much like categories, I’m really ok with it.

This week’s Weekly Featured Date is simple- do something, anything, go somewhere- but this time- invite another couple along and make it a Double Date.

The whole point of a DateNight in the first place is to give a couple time out from everything else in life to spend together, getting to know each other, and just have fun together.  I know it may seem that when you introduce another couple into the equation, then you lose the intimate aspect and you have to spend all the time together with another couple.  However- think about it- on a double date you get to be a couple, the other couple gets to be a couple, and you get to be a couple together.  I’m not talking about anything dirty here- its just called being a couple in community.

Also, this is great way to take a time out from everything else in life- think of the couples you know- couples at church, couples at work, couples in the neighborhood.  Going out for a Double Date with any of these couples puts you in a different setting and allows you to get to know not only the other couple better, but you get to know your dating partner in a setting with other people.

The Double Date- the hardest part is just finding a couple who’s schedule you can get to mesh with yours.

Saying “I Love You” for the first time is really a big deal.  There’s a reason that we are cautious of saying it for its time.  You don’t want to say it too early, otherwise you could freak the other person out.  On the TV Show “The Big Bang Theory,” Leonard and Penny wound up breaking up because one of them said it a bit too early for the other’s taste.

So for anyone out there who’s dating and is feeling like its getting close to time to saying those 3 magic words, I have some advice:

1) Don’t be afraid to risk your heart. This is true for both the man and the woman.  It’s a risky thing to say those words.  Lots of questions can run through your mind.  What if the other person freaks out?  What if they aren’t ready?  What if I’m not really ready?  All those are real questions.  And those could be real responses.  That’s what makes it a risk.  But being in a relationship is about risking your heart.  As the relationship progresses, you risk more and more of your heart.  It seriously could blow up in your face.  But the truth is you weren’t created to not-risk.  This is one of those moments where you get to risk.

2) Men, you really can go first here. Hey men- let me call you up here.  It’s your job to lead and go first, and that includes in risking your heart.  You don’t have to wait for her to say it first.  Its your job to set the pace of the relationship.  Handle it with care.

3) If you’re really in love, the other person needs to know. You don’t do your relationship any favors by hiding your feelings.  Dating is all about finding out more and more about the other person, but it has to go both ways.  You’re dating partner will not really know you if you keep things hidden.  That’s not to say you divulge everything right away.  In fact, that’s a bad idea.  But like Gandalf in the caves of Moriah, there are times when you risk a little more light.  And if you’re in love with the other person, that’s a time to risk being known.

4) Make it really ok for the other person to not be there yet. What happened with Leonard and Penny on The Big Bang Theory was that Leonard expected for Penny to feel exactly the same way he did when he did.  The truth is that you don’t want the other person saying they love you if they don’t.  You don’t want to pressure them to be somewhere in their heart that they aren’t.  You take all the pressure off the other person when you let them know that its ok if they aren’t there yet.

5) Once you’ve said it, don’t make it awkward. So here’s what happens- Dude says, “I love you, and its really ok if you aren’t there yet.”  And girl isn’t there yet.  She looks at him, gives him a hug, and the most she can muster is “ok, thanks for letting me know. And I’m not there yet.”  The next day, when they’re getting off the phone, he says, ‘I love you,” and she has nothing to say.  Then later, before you seperate for the night, he says again, “I love you,” and she has nothing to say.  How long do you think that will work before she’s actually feeling pressured and it’s not really ok for her to NOT be there yet.  Don’t make it awkward.  You don’t have to keep saying it all the time.

Now, with all that said, let me give you some really practical words for this situation.  Here’s what you say, ”Hey, so I have something that I need to say to you.  It’s something I’ve been feeling for a while and it’s time to let you know.  And I want you know that its really ok if you aren’t there yet, but it wouldn’t be fair for me to hold this in.  I love you.”

I remember when I got to say this to Penny.  We had only been dating a few months, but I knew that I knew.  I remember sitting in the garage with my mentor, Michael, having a similar conversation with him that my buddy had with me.  ”Michael, I think I love her.”  ”Oh yeah,” Michael said with a raised eyebrow, “When you gonna tell her?  Cause you know you gotta tell her.”  A couple days later, Penny and I were driving to a friend’s birthday party.  I got to tell her in the car before we went in.  She looked at me, batted her eyes, gave me a hug and said, “OK.”  She wasn’t there yet.  Two long months later, I was dropping her off from a date, she went to get out of the car, stopped herself, turned around, kissed me, and quickly whispered, “I love you, too.”  Then quickly got of the car.  (At least that’s the way I remember it.) Regardless, it was a special time and I never will forget it.  She got to take her time getting there.  But it was never a question of where I was in our relationship.  And it couldn’t have gone any better.

Little did I know that many of these rules also applied to the conversation about whether or not we would be getting married.  But that’s another post.

So tell us your story.  When did you first say, “I love you?”  Anybody have any horror stories about it?  Leave a comment and let us know.

That’s right, the Weekly Featured Date is back!  And I’m excited to have a line up of lots of new and exciting GreatDateSpots around Central Kentucky and the Tri-City area coming at you!  And to kick it off is what Penny and I are doing tonight.

Now, whether or not you live in the Central Kentucky region, one of the best Dates anywhere , and most affordable too, is taking in some local theater.  The great thing is that when you do local theater, you have several options to choose from.  Usually there is a high school play happening somewhere around you.  While the acting may not always be stellar, they certainly have a bit of nostaglia to them.  But I challenge you to look deeper and check out the Community Theater in your town.

I like plays.  I like plays a lot.  I like plays for DateNights even more.  And for several reasons, mostly because its a lot like going to see a movie, but very different at the same time.  Sure, you’re in a theater, with lots of people you don’t know, watching a story unfold before your eyes.  Its great for getting cozy with that special someone.   Rarely will you be in a theater with other people you know, which creates such a great, unique shared experience for the two of you.  But plays can be so much more fun- for one thing, there is a bond that happens between actor and audience, especially in the intimate setting of community theater.  It’s sort of an inside-joke that we all know what we are seeing isn’t real, but we are agreeing to suspend reality and just go with it.  When mistakes happen, we are drawn in even more to see how they will recover, and often add a level of charm that we would never get from a movie. Also, community theater tends to afford us the opportunity to break out of the same ole plays we see over and over again.  Let’s face it, sometimes they suck and there’s a reason this play never hit the big time.  But more often than not, these plays really are unfound gems.

Which is exactly what I’m hoping for tonight as this is exactly what Penny and I will be doing for our DateNight tonight.  We will be heading out tonight to see The Studio Players take on Canadian playwright Caroline Smith’s Kitchen Witches.  The premise is that we have two women, one ambitious, professional and self-promoting and the other a stay-at-home mom with country skillz who both happened to have loved the same man are forced to work together for a local cooking show.  I’m looking forward to what can only mean a lot of quick-witted banter and blows back and forth as these two polar-opposite forces collide.

For anyone around who’s interested, the Studio Players are based out of the Carriage House Theater on the property of the Bell House right off E Main Street.  Shows are at 8:00 and tickets are $16.  Check out the review from Lexgo.com for more info.  And if you do get to go, be sure to come back and leave a comment, let us what you thought of the show!

Do anyone know what today is?  No, it’s not George Washington’s Birthday.  Or MLK Jr Day.  Today marks the first day of the final month of the first year of Penny’s and my marriage.  We are standing on the brim of end of our first year together as husband and wife.  And as I look out this time in our lives, as we look forward to Year 2, I am very excited to what this new year will bring us!  And I’m struck with several thoughts:

1) I am more in love with my wife now than I was on the day I married her.  I suppose that’s kinda the way it should be.  But it’s true.

2) We are communicating better and being more real with each other than ever before.  It’s an odd concept that more I am open, the more I let her see my own brokenness, the more it propels our intimacy- the more we know each other.

3) Our best years are really still in front of us.  I feel really sorry for whoever said the first year of marriage was the best.  Seriously, if I got to the end of this year and thought it was the best it was ever going to be, I might be done with the whole thing.  Thankfully, I am superexcited for what’s still to come.

4) I’ve never had an anniversary before…looking forward to it.  I got to plan out where we are going last night- I can’t wait.

5) We are set up great for a second year.  We have a cloud of witnesses around us that are in this with us.  They are really rooting for us…not just to stay together, but to thrive!

As I write this, I realize something- all of these things are also true in my relationship with my first love- the Saviour of my Soul- Jesus.  I love him more than ever before, and I feel his love more.  We are communicating better…I am hearing his voice clearer and sharper than ever before.  The best years are still in front of us.  The anniversary is really a special time- June 24.  And there is cloud of witness around me of people who have gone before me that are spurring me on.

You see, its bound to happen…you have a plan, and set DateNight, and things come up every so often that knock you off schedule.  But that’s no excuse not to date.  Not to connect.  And what Penny and I have gotten to practice over these last 3 or 4 weeks is how to connect and keep our own relationship strong in the midst of a lot of busy-ness and family time.  Sometimes we did well, sometimes we didn’t.   It’s part of our growth.  And part of my own growth as the one entrusted to lead this marriage.  It was tricky trying to discern the times when it ok that we fore-go’ed? (fore-went?) our time together for time with the family, and when we really needed to steal away and just have time together.  It’s not really something I have ever had to do before.  But I was fully aware of it the entire time.

All that aside- here we are- back home, back on a regular schedule, and its time to get back to Dating!  We are definitely ready for another season of Dating and learning how to grow in and through relationships.  Today I want to share a thought on Dating in the New Year.

Here’s my big thought- Be Freakin’ Intentional this year.  Be intentional about having regularly scheduled DateNights.  What that doesn’t mean is being laxidasical and waiting until the day of the date to think about what you’re going to do.  When you wait till the last minute, its a recipe for the M word: MONOTONY.  Monotony is the biggest killer of a dating life.  Mostly because it takes all the fun out of it.  But how do you avoid it?  How do you avoid the Rut?  The best way I have found to plan out what you’re going to do is simple.  It’s an old school method. Create a Calendar.

Create a schedule for DateNights.  This was our DateNight schedule from last fall.  Its simple Excel-type spreadsheet.  And below are 6 steps to creating an excellent season of Dating here at the start of 2011.

1) Get a night of the week that will generally be a scheduled night for the two of you.  For Penny and I, it’s Friday nights.  For a lot of my friends, it’s Monday nights.  Maybe its a rotating night.  However it works for you, get a night when you will intend to go out.  Keep in mind, it won’t work every week- things will come up.  But at least it gives you something to shoot for.

2) Go ahead and block out the times when you know things will interfere.  What are the big weeks you know are coming up that will disrupt your dating schedule.  For me, I color code those times.  Orange represents times when I know that Friday Night will not work.  Yellow represents weeks where Friday may work, but other things could creep in and we may have to be flexible (like the Friday after Thanksgiving).  Doing this will allow you to have a heads up and create a back up plan- a make up date night.

3) Plan an activity for each DateNight. This is where the real work and fun comes into planning these things.  You’ll see the times when the same ole thing keeps coming up- and it will allow you to move them around.  Penny and I will often go to Cincinnati or Louisville for our Dates, so for me, this lets me see when we are going out of town several weeks in a row- then lets me adjust it so we aren’t leaving all the time.  This will also allow for you to check the local theaters- what plays or sporting events or concerts are coming that you need to go ahead an get tickets for (and gives you time to get good seats :) )  The key here is variety.  Revisit the old favorites, and get some new things going on as well.  One final tip: Try not to schedule too many movies over the season.  If there are some big movies coming out that you both want to see, then by all means, but otherwise- keep it changed up.

4) Schedule Food for each DateNight. Sharing a meal together is a time-honored tradition, but more than that, it gives you great time to talk.  Scheduling the food will allow you to keep a variety of restaurants on tap.  If you’re like me, you’ll see a restaurant as you’re driving around town…and think, “We should try going there sometime.” But then you never go back… sound familiar?  The Calendar will help make that happen.  And what I think you’ll find is that pairing your restaurant selection with your activity is a bit like pairing a fine wine with just the right cheese.

5) Think through the added bonus. In other words, what makes this DateNight special?  What is something that you’ll both get out of this night that doesn’t happen on too many other nights.  It could be many things: a long drive with lots of talk time.  Homemade meal.  A special surprise or gift.  Time with another couple or loved one.

6) Take Good Notes. This was a lesson I learned after making these calendars our a few times.  Let’s face it– sometimes a well planned DateNight just turns out to be a stinker.  Sometimes its really great.  Sometimes you’ll hear her say something that you want to remember.  Sometimes you’ll want to remember if you two liked a particular restaurant or if there was a lesson learned from a certain experience.  This helps you to grow and get better at creating memorable DateNights.

So go for it!  Kick off 2011 the right way- with a strong season of Dating.  Get it planned out.  I suggest start small- if you’ve never done this before, try from January through March.  As for Penny and I, my calendar this time is planned through the end of May.  We’ll move into Summer after that.

When you do it, come back and leave a message, let us know how your schedule is working out.