My Wife, My God :: My God, My Wife


To all my non-Christian readers, while I really make every attempt to keep these posts as non-religious sounding as possible, there are times when it will just come out, because it’s who I am.  And this is going to be one of those posts.  I’d challenge you not to completely discount this post- read it, let it churn in your brain for a while.  And if you feel like it, leave a comment.

Can I just say that I have loved that my church has been right in the middle of a series on relationships at the same time that I have ramped this blog up.  This blog is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and finally the time was right.  At first I thought it was going to be more of a local review spot for places to go and things to do in and around the Lexington area.  But I have been floored at the response to the posts that center more on relationships as opposed to the reviews.  Believe me, the reviews are coming.  I’ve got two movies and a restaurant just waiting…but for the moment, I have something I need to get written down and fleshed out before I forget it.

This past weekend our pastor took us down the path of taking a real, authentic look at Men.  It was Mothers’ Day and he was primarily speaking to women about how to ignite their marriages by really understanding their men.  And while I have lots and lots of thoughts swirling around about this weekend, there is one that is taking my breath away.  Probably because it defines for me so much of what I am experiencing as a newly married guy.

I have said this since Penny and I were still dating: I am blown away by how much my relationship with her mirrors my relationship with God.  And she has said the same thing.  In fact, it’s so marking of our relationship, that it is what our wedding was themed around.  In the midst of that however, there can be no mistaking :: My wife is not My God.  And my God is not wife.  Nor am I for her.

Penny does NOT complete me.  My marriage to her doesn’t define me.  My worth and my value does not come from her.  Neither my paycheck nor our sex life have a defining impact on my sense of being a Man.  Only one was ever meant to be my source, to be the one who defines me and tells me who I am- that’s my God.  Yet this is where I find a beautiful dichotomy exists.  Because my God has created me with certain instincts and needs.  And if these needs aren’t met, it can really mess with me.  But the truth is they change nothing about me.  I am who I am because he says that’s who I am.  And even still, they exist.  And I was given the gift of my wife to meet those needs.  Just as she was given me to meet those needs that were placed in her.  So on the one hand : those needs not being met can really frak with me :: but on the other hand, it doesn’t phase me if they are or not.  And I designed that way…both ways.

Here’s a great Truth:: Neither of us can gain identity or soul satisfaction from the other we can help each other become the person God has created us to be.

So hear the conclusion of this Beautiful Dichotomy :: We are meant to fulfill those needs for each other and thereby spur each other on to be more of the person God created us to be; but  who we are as people, at our core, is not defined by whether or not those needs are being met, because we aren’t defined by the other person.

So yeah, we are supposed to meet each other’s needs.  And I suppose that’s why we find that we have a desire to meet the other’s needs.  But when those needs aren’t met, it can’t rock us, it doesn’t shake us.

So why did God make it like that?  You’ll have to ask him, but here’s what I think :: there’s a big difference between just not being shaken and being spurred on to become the person you were created to be.  And when you, as a couple, are focusing on the other person, and doing whatever you can to meet his/her needs, even at the sacrifice of yourself, then you will move from not being shaken to being propelled to becoming who you were meant to be.

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