5 Ways to Pursue Your Girl

If you ask Penny, one of the things that she’ll say attracted her to me was the fact that before we ever started dating, I was actively pursuing her, and how much it meant to her heart.  Even after we started dating, she constantly reminded me that she wasn’t “my girl.”  In essence, what she was saying was that I hadn’t caught her yet.  I still had to pursue her.

All through our dating relationship, I continued to pursue her.  And now that we are married and she has long since started letting me call her “my girl,” I am more aware than ever that I haven’t “caught her” just yet.  And that’s absolutely the way it should be.

You may have heard a lot of talk of continuing to date your spouse after marriage.  It’s great advice.  But you should understand the why behind it is because you never really catch her.  It’s part of the passion of being in relationship.  And Men- its role to pursue.  And the pursuit is constant.

But what does that even look like?  Here are 5 things that I am learning about how to pursue the one who stood next to me and said, “Till Death Do We Part.”

1) Remember Your Date Nights and Keep Them Holy

Ok, so it’s not the Sabbath, but I do think the idea is the same.  Make sure it happens.  Other things can’t take priority.  Here’s how it happens: Schedule it.  Pick a night of the week and schedule it.  If you have to miss that night one particular week, make sure you make it up.  That’s the easy part.  The hard part, and its your role guys, is to research and find stuff to do that’s fresh and not the same thing every night.  Remember, there are seasons and rhythms when the dates can be more low key and times when they need to be a bit more creative.

2) Court Her The Rest Of The Week

So you’ve been keeping your date nights, good for you.  But don’t forget- there’s another 6 3/4 days of the week as well.  Use that time to woo her, court her.  This is something I have to personally admit that I’m not the greatest at.  Here’s how you do it.  Do the things that speak love to her :: clean the house, do the grocery shopping, make the bed, cook dinner, leave notes for her to find, etc… not sure what speaks love to her- ask her what happens when you do… Then, show love and affection when you are together.  Hold her hand.  Massage her feet.  Let her rest her head in your lap while watching a movie (all without making a move…that in itself is making the best move you can make).

3) Be Fully Available

This one should seem simple, but I’ve learned it takes being intentional.  Answer her calls.  Return her texts.  When you are together, put the phone down.  If she’s trying to talk while you’re watching TV, turn the dang TV off.  (If it’s that important to you, get a DVR).  When she does talk to you, don’t solve her problems, just be in them with her

4) Give Her Some Space.

It’s pretty much just what it says.  But here’s the catch- being apart due to work or some other obligation doesn’t count.  Its so good for your relationship that there be a little distance.  Otherwise you wind up smothering her, which is never good.  Let’s put it in guy terms.  Think of it in fishing terms- sometimes you gotta let the fish swim away a bit before reeling them in some more.

5) Spur Her On To Be All That She Can Be

Men, you have a unique role as your wife’s spouse, your girlfriend’s boyfriend, whatever the case may be…you are her number 1 cheerleader.  You are always on her side, even when she’s wrong.  She’s got some pretty cool talents…do what you have to do to encourage her in the things that fuel her and that she loves to do.  Even if you’d rather bang your head between two rocks.  She’ll love you for it.

Gentlemen, the pursuit never ends.  And you’re the one in the role of pursuer.

A word to the ladies: its no fun to pursue if you never catch what you’re after.  So I say this- be catchable.  Doesn’t mean you’re caught for good.  Just for that moment.  🙂

    • Ron
    • September 19th, 2010


    Rhanks for writing this. I think I needed to hear it.


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    • June 24th, 2014

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