Posts Tagged ‘ Romance ’

5 Great Valentines Day GDS Posts

It’s Valentines Day in America.  This is the day that so many things will be happening.  There’ll be a lot of first dates, and a lot of last dates.  Some people will be saying, “I love you” for the first time, and a lot of people saying “I love you” for the thousandth time.  There’ll be a lot of engagements, a lot of celebrating, and above all…A LOT OF DATING.  So in honor of the day that honors love, I thought I’d take a moment and repost 5 of our most popular recent posts on Love and Dating.

1) How to Say “I Love You” for the First Time. It’s pretty self explanatory, but for anyone who is thinking that tonight might be the night for those 3 magic words, this one is for you.

2) 5 Ways to Pursue Your Girl Men, this post is for you.  There is something about the way that your girl’s heart is wired that she wants to be pursued.  And whether or not you realize it, or not, your heart is wired to be in pursuit.  Here are 5 tips for making it happen.

3) Navigating the Land Between…in Dating Have you ever found yourself in a place between being just friends and knowing there was something more, but you weren’t sure what?  Read here for tips on how to navigate that trecherous terrain

4) What are You Voting on in Your Relationship There are things in a relationship that require intentionality.  Here are somethings in your Relationship that you need to be super intentional about and make sure that you are both in agreement on.

5) The Fifth Commandment of Dating. It’s easy to commit a lot of  “sins” when it comes to dating.  But this is one of the big one that you really do NOT want to commit.  Remember Your DateNights and Keep Them Holy.

That’s it for now, Happy Dating


Her Greatest Desire vs. His Most Desperate Need

If there is anything in my life that is worthy of doing whatever it takes to make a success, it’s for sure my marriage.  That’s why I do the things that I don’t necessarily want to do; they’ve become not a big deal to do it, because I know the one I’m doing it for.  It’s a funny truth about the things that are dear to us- they tend to make sucky things not suck anymore.  Instead they become a joy.  And for me, that’s reading all these self-help books about marriage.  I hate self-help books- I really do.  I prefer fiction or an even an autobiography, but now, I take every opportunity I get to soak up anything information I can on being a better husband.  Whether it’s new books, books on tape, sermon podcasts about marriage, or reading other marriage blogs…I love taking it all in.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post telling you about a book that I was reading that was having a huge impact on my marriage, The Power of a Praying Husband.  Shortly after, Penny and I started a 6 week marriage class called United.  Wouldn’t you know it, as part of the class, we are reading another book that is also having a profound effect on our marriage, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  And this book has highlighted a really basic principle that I don’t think most people get., but I have found to be so true.  It has helped to put words to something instinctual inside me that I don’t think I ever could have defined before, much less even realized how big of a deal it really is to men and women.  And while this principle certainly reveals itself most in the marriage relationship, it truly speaks to the male/female relationship as a whole.  Whether it’s husband/wife, brother/sister, cousins, or even co-workers.

Here’s the principle- what a woman desires most is unconditional love.  What a man desperately needs is unconditional respect.  It’s at the core of who we are as men and women, how we are created and wired…women tend to need most to be loved.  And men tend to need to be respected above all else, even love.  It’s a profound concept, and I must confess, not one that I fully subscribed to at the outset of reading this book.  But as I’ve gotten deeper into it, I am seeing that at the very least, it is true in Penny’s and my life.

I am not an easy person to upset.  It’s really pretty hard to make me angry about something.  But I can tell you, few things set me off faster than feeling unceremoniously, straight up disrespected.  It’s not something I ever would have put words to, or could have made the connection, but once I did, I see it to be all too true.

On the flip side, while I won’t speak for Penny, I can say that I have noticed when I take the necessary steps to let Penny know that she is loved above all else in my life, and when she hears it, that she responds overwhelmingly more positive and with more respect for me than I could have ever dreamt.

In either case though, did you notice that what I was talking about was how we REACT to each other?  Think about it, just about every fight you’ve ever had with your wife, husband, sibling, co-worker, has usually caught you a little off guard, right?  Because all of a sudden, they responded poorly to you.  And then you reacted.  And they reacted some more.  Which made you react…and so on…well my friends, you have just taken a spin  the Crazy Cycle.  Basically it works like this: she disrespected him, so he didn’t act lovingly towards her, which caused her to act more disrespectful towards him, so he certainly couldn’t act lovingly towards a woman who acts like that, and he responds accordingly…and it keeps going.  OK, OK, to be fair, cause it happens this way too- He acted unloving towards her, so she reacted in a disrespectful way, which made him pull away in an unloving manner (guys, here’s a tip, pulling away in a fight, while paramount in guy-code is acting unloving girl-code), and how could she respect him when he does that, and she acts accordingly.

Sound familiar?  Surprised at how accurate it is?  This really should be no surprise that women want love and men need respect…even the Bible says so when it tells husbands to go all out in love for their wives, and for wives to respect their husbands.  Yeah, that’s the actual wording.  It’s also all through the Proverbs as they talk about what it is better to be than to be in an unloving and disrespectful marriage (I think my favorite is, “It is better to live on a corner of the roof than it is to live in a house with a contentious wife”).

So, couples out there…dating or married or even just friends- how are you doing, Men, at loving the women in your lives with an unconditional love?  Ladies, how about it– do you respect the men in your life?  Are you speaking in a language that is clear to the other person, not just you?  I would highly recommend that you pick up this book.  Go through it.  Try it out.

Dating 101 :: For Husbands

Later today, two great friends of mine will be getting married!  Actually, this whole year has been a year of weddings.  Much in the same way attending a funeral makes me think of my own mortality and what I’d like my funeral to be about (it’s not that strange is it?) weddings also make me think of my own wedding, and more importantly, my own Bride.  It takes me to a spot of reflection.  How am I doing as a husband?  The face that I really am absolutely head over heals in love with my wife and would never, ever pick anyone else, even if given the chance.  So then its on me to be the best husband I can possibly be.  But how do I do that?  I don’t really know.  I’m still new at this and have never done it before.  So its a lot of on-the-job training and eliciting the advice and help of those who have gone before me down this path.  To that tone, I asked a friend of mine to do a guest post about what advice he’d give to a newly married husband.  Eric, from was happy to oblige, and his advice- Keep dating your wife.  So Scott, (and Britt, Tim, Harlan, and Chris,) this one is for you!


When you were courting your bride-to-be, no doubt you tried much harder to date and impress her then you do now, after the vows.  This happens to the best of us!  The other day I was trying to think about just why it happens and here’s what I came up with – I think men stop stop dating their wife after the wedding because they don’t need dates as an excuse to be with each other.  Because I didn’t live with my wife before we were married, I almost had to come up with dates and fun things to do so we could see each other.  Now that you’re sharing the same bed, why date?  I’ll tell you why – dating your wife allows you and your wife to continuously get to know each other.  People change and evolve and without time spent in meaningful conversation and on dates you will grow apart.  Here are 3 basic components for successfully dating your wife; The 3 “C’s” –

  • Consistency – it’s so easy to get wrapped up in life and forget about dating your wife – remember to date her and date her consistently.  I date my wife once a week (or I try to!) and I recommend this frequency to everyone. Figure out what works for you and your situation, but do NOT go longer than a month without a date!  One thing to keep in mind about dating your wife is that you may need to expand your definition of a date; a date can be anything where you spend quality time with your wife and get to have meaningful conversation (see below).  Talking on the couch for an hour after the kids are in bed fits into my definition of a date perfectly!
  • Creativity – This is so important! Hopefully you would like to be married to your wife for a long, long time – so make sure it doesn’t get boring! Add romance, spontaneity, surprise dates or whatever make it special for your wife.  Once in a while, do something big, get a hotel for the night or go for a romantic weekend getaway!  For those of us who are not creative this can be a challenge.  In addition over at my Better Husbands and Fathers blog I have an archive of date ideas…. ones I’ve used myself!
  • Conversation – This is an essential part of any date.  You may think “d’uh, that’s obvious” and I’m glad you think that, but in my experiences there are a lot of dates where its hard to talk to each other.  How about a movie or a show?  This can be a great date combined with something like dinner (where you can have good conversation), but by itself, it’s not a great date idea, because it doesn’t allow any dialogue.  So ask each other questions, talk about personal and family goals, learn something about them you didn’t know, and have fun with it!

Eric has been married for 4.5 years and is a father to a 2 yr old boy (and has another boy on the way!).  He lives in the Seattle area and runs the Better Husbands and Fathers blog, which is designed to create dialogue among men who want to be “better.” You can also follow him on twitter@BetterHusbands .